Chapter 1: The Arrival of My Son

The moment my son arrived has filled me with immense gratitude and determination for the journey that lies ahead for my family and me.

Though the experience of childbirth was challenging and fraught with anxiety, I now find myself overwhelmed with feelings of thankfulness. My wife is recovering swiftly, taking charge like a true queen and rarely leaving our baby's side. I couldn’t be prouder of her strength.

Making the transition from Las Vegas to Tennessee has proven to be a wise choice for us. Our desire was to create a better environment for our child, and this move has introduced us to genuine Southern hospitality. The hospital staff has been incredibly kind, though their frequent interruptions during the night test my sanity. My mind is racing with thoughts of the future.

Anxiety is my constant companion these days. While we still wait to bring our son home, I hope I've equipped myself adequately for the challenges ahead. I hold myself to high standards and strive to learn from my mistakes, understanding that failure is a crucial part of growth.

Fatherhood brings mixed emotions, especially given my complicated relationship with my own dad. I often wonder if I have what it takes to be a great parent. Yet, I also believe that we only discover our limits by pushing ourselves to the edge.

However, I must admit, there is a part of me that is frightened.

My relationship with my father was strained and ultimately ended many years ago when he chose to leave our family for another. While I have forgiven him, I fear becoming like him—a father who walks away.

Raising my son will undoubtedly come with its own set of challenges. From diaper changes to watching him grow and explore his passions, I look forward to being a part of his life, even as I anticipate the inevitable difficulties.

I imagine the day he goes off on his own, and we can share our experiences—the triumphs, the failures, and the sweet stories of young love. I yearn to be there for him as a guide, a teacher, a friend, and above all, a devoted dad.

“When one has not had a good father, one must create one.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

While I’m uncertain what fatherhood will fully entail, I am profoundly grateful for the chance to embark on this journey. My wife and I are relieved to have found our apartment quickly, and the moving company has finally delivered our belongings. My job has been accommodating through all the changes.

Leaving Las Vegas was a significant decision for us, as we sought a life away from the distractions of casinos. We’ve made sacrifices, but I believe they will yield greater rewards for our family.

Life is filled with uncertainties that often lead us to question our purpose. I continue to work long hours as a chef, trying to carve out time for writing. It’s easy to dwell on what we lack, wishing for circumstances to be different—like being home to cook for my wife instead of being in the hospital.

Despite these challenges, it’s essential to appreciate the small victories. We hope to bring our son home soon, possibly even tonight. I can’t wait to relax with a beer on the couch while he dreams peacefully.

My family has been incredibly supportive, sharing our joy through photos and celebrations, while my wife’s family in Brazil rejoices in their unique way. The sun has finally emerged, signaling it’s okay for us to embrace our new reality.

Family dynamics can be complicated, and life’s challenges don’t always seem fair. I have grappled with feelings of overwhelm and regret, wishing things were different. The questions and emotional struggles persist.

Yet, when I hold my little boy, I realize I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything.

About the author: Cody Carlson is a chef and writer based in the U.S. He has journeyed through various careers and cities, ultimately finding fulfillment as a cook, father, and husband. Through his writing, he aims to inspire others to cook and create in their daily lives.

Follow him on Instagram.

Chapter 2: Overcoming New Dad Anxiety

The transition to fatherhood can be overwhelming, filled with moments of uncertainty and anxiety.

This video discusses ways to tackle the anxiety that often accompanies becoming a new dad, offering practical tips and personal insights.