Chapter 1: Understanding Empathy and Judgment

When we form judgments about others, we are often engaging in a form of dishonesty. Embracing empathy, on the other hand, allows us to connect with truthfulness.

Consider your first reaction when witnessing someone make a mistake or act inappropriately.

Are your responses rooted in judgment? Do you find yourself looking down on them? Do you reflect on all the ways they have erred, convinced you could have handled the situation differently? If this resonates with you, it’s a signal that you might not be being entirely honest with yourself.

Judgment is a form of self-deception. When we assess others, we often do so by measuring their actions against an idealized version of ourselves—the one that never falters and always makes the right choices. This ideal self is, in fact, fictional.

Our judgments are often made from a distance, where we feel safe and objective, believing we possess all the relevant information. Yet, when we allow empathy to guide our perceptions, we recognize that under similar circumstances, we might have acted in the same way. We come to understand that we are equally fallible and capable of making mistakes.

Empathy fosters honesty within us. Rather than critiquing how someone could have acted differently, we should take a moment to reflect on how we might have responded similarly, or perhaps even worse.

Judging others is effortless and safe. It’s an easy route that allows us to maintain the illusion that we are superior to those who falter. Empathy challenges this notion; it compels us to confront our imperfections. We, too, have erred and will continue to do so because that is the essence of being human.

Even the esteemed Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius grappled with this concept. In his reflective writings, known as "Meditations," he urged himself to forgo judgment in favor of empathy. He emphasized the importance of self-honesty in these moments.

“When faced with people’s poor behavior, reflect on your own actions and question when you have behaved similarly.”

Next time you observe someone falter, pause and consider the same inquiry that Marcus Aurelius posed to himself:

“Have I acted this way before, or is it within my capacity to do so?”

Chances are, the answer is “yes.” Perhaps they were having an off day, or this isn’t typical behavior for them. Extend to them the same grace you would hope for in your own moments of misstep.

Do not deceive yourself into believing you are above such actions.

Choose empathy over judgment. Embrace honesty in your self-reflections.

Chapter 2: The Challenge of Empathy

In a world that often encourages a quick judgment, taking a moment to empathize can pave the way for deeper understanding and connection.