Chapter 1: The Fear of Change

Yesterday morning, I found myself grappling with anxiety over my upcoming second post. Publishing the first one felt liberating and thrilling. However, as I sat down to write the second, a wave of doubt washed over me. "What if this one turns out poorly? Should I target just women or write for everyone? What if it’s bad and all my new subscribers decide to leave?" My thoughts spiraled out of control.

Suddenly, I recognized that I was falling into the trap of catastrophizing—imagining the worst possible outcomes. Have you ever experienced this? It’s akin to what some term "future tripping." I first learned about this concept during a therapy session years ago, while I was making excuses to avoid moving into my own apartment. Until then, I had always shared living spaces with roommates, clinging to situations that no longer served me out of fear and anxiety about financial security.

My greatest fear about independence was, "What if I buy a sofa and it doesn’t fit through the door?" My therapist, after a moment of silence, simply replied, "Then just get another sofa." It was hard for me to grasp that it could be that straightforward.

After weeks of wrestling with my fears, I finally signed the lease for my first one-bedroom apartment. The feeling of liberation was indescribable. I had my own space—something I once thought I could only achieve after landing a significant job or moving in with a partner. Instead, it happened unexpectedly during a time when I hadn’t secured any major roles due to the pandemic. I was single and had wasted so much time thinking, "I’ll wait until I achieve this or that before I allow myself to have what I want."

The sense of ownership and momentum I felt from making this decision was transformative. It reminded me of what it meant to truly feel at home.

After a month in my new apartment with minimal furniture, I felt ready to find that elusive sofa. After days of searching, I discovered what I thought was the ideal joybird sofa—hot pink and discounted from a showroom. I paid in full and arranged for delivery the next evening.

The delivery team arrived at 9 PM, and as they carried the sofa up to my second-floor apartment, I was filled with excitement. But then, disaster struck: the sofa didn’t fit through the door. I don't want to relive the chaos that ensued, as it was overwhelming at the moment, but we spent half an hour trying to figure out how to hoist it through my window. Ultimately, I prioritized the integrity of my beautiful French windows over the sofa. I tipped the delivery crew and hoped for a refund.

Returning to my apartment, I lay on the hardwood floor where the sofa should have been, laughing and crying simultaneously. My worst fear had materialized—the sofa simply didn’t fit. To console myself, I ordered a pint of Pinkberry frozen yogurt. When it arrived, I opened it only to find a melted mess. I couldn’t help but think that perhaps this was a sign—God protecting me from a midnight binge on froyo, just as He had saved me from that garish pink sofa.

I always believed the point of catastrophizing was that the worst scenarios never actually occur. But mine did. And you know what? I survived. Not only did I survive, but I ended up with an even better joybird sectional that fit perfectly because it came in two pieces. I absolutely love that sofa!

This experience made me reflect on my initial hesitation to write this post. While writing the first post felt trivial, the second one represented a commitment—a declaration of care and vulnerability. Once I recognized this pattern, my confidence in writing to you again surged. Catastrophizing had long been my shield, as my inner child screamed, "We must protect ourselves! What if people laugh at our words?"

Life constantly presents us with choices, whether we welcome them or not:

• The choice to leave a relationship.
• The choice to express your true feelings.
• The choice to grow or retreat.

I’ve discovered that the key to overcoming catastrophizing is to visualize the worst-case scenario and ask yourself, "What would I do next if this were to happen?" If people were to mock my writing, I’d likely find that amusing because my instinct would be to brush it off and continue writing.

Video Description:

Join me on my journey of searching for the perfect sofa while sharing essential shopping tips to ensure you make the best decision for your space!

Chapter 2: The Importance of Taking Risks

Video Description:

Before you buy a sofa, watch this video to understand why size matters and how to choose the right fit for your home.