Chapter 1: The Unexpected Journey

Just about nine months ago, I found myself on a hospital bed, staring at live footage of my insides while a bald stranger was poking around my rear end like a pig searching for truffles. A few weeks later, I was in a different hospital room, listening to a radiotherapy machine buzzing around me like a cheap prop from an old Doctor Who episode.

Since that time, I've swallowed countless chemotherapy pills, endured numerous needle pricks, and experienced far too many uncomfortable examinations. There have been sleepless nights filled with nausea, indigestion, and painful trips to the restroom. My laundry has seen an influx of soiled garments.

And now, today marks the final day of this chapter. Tomorrow, before dawn breaks, I will head to the hospital to finally bid farewell to Timmy, along with a significant portion of my bowel.

There are various preparations in store for me. More medications to take, including blood thinners and laxatives. I have an injection and an enema to self-administer, which feels odd given the lack of instructions on how to perform an enema like it’s a common skill. I hope I can figure it out quickly.

I wish to have one final successful trip to the bathroom tonight—a last goodbye to the world of bodily functions before my shiny new colostomy bag is attached. I want to salute it as it makes its final journey down the drain.

Timmy, on the other hand, won’t receive such a send-off. Timmy can depart without any farewell. It has been a challenging year, and I will be relieved when it comes to an end—thankfully, that moment is just around the corner.

My belongings are prepped and ready. I’ve purchased some comfortable pajamas and slippers, and I’m bringing along a couple of Stephen King novels—It and The Stand—that I’ve yet to read. It seems that the only way I can carve out some personal time these days is by having a large tumor removed.

I’ll spend an entire week recovering in the hospital, and I aim to do some writing while I’m there. It will be fascinating to see what ideas might emerge while I’m under the influence of painkillers.

Despite becoming a nuisance, Timmy has been a reliable source of humor when I struggle for inspiration. He has been my go-to punchline. When my mind is blank, I can always resort to jokes about my rear.

And tomorrow, this partnership will come to an end.

So, here we are. Farewell to Timmy, farewell to my rear, and farewell to the joys of relieving myself. I’ll return tomorrow, a few pounds lighter, heavily medicated, and still very much alive.

Chapter 2: Embracing the Future

The first video titled "Kiss My Ass Goodbye" humorously captures the essence of letting go and moving forward, much like my own journey.

The second video, "Meghan Trainor - Title (Lyrics)," serves as a fitting reminder that sometimes, it's time to say goodbye and embrace the next chapter with a smile.

If you've enjoyed this piece or even if you haven't, feel free to follow along and check out my other stories to see if anything else piques your interest!