Chapter 1: Embracing Change

This year has presented a variety of transformations, some anticipated and others not. For the most part, however, these changes have been those I expected. I successfully achieved my professional goals even before graduating high school, and I have maintained my focus on personal objectives, particularly regarding my mental and physical well-being. This consistent work ethic has also allowed me to accomplish extracurricular ambitions, such as becoming a partnered writer on Medium.

To propel myself forward, I relied on various motivators, as self-motivation alone often fell short against the uncertainties I faced. The skepticism from others, as well as my own doubts, often loomed large, particularly regarding my fear of reverting to my beginnings.

Fear has significantly influenced my current circumstances. At times, it served as my driving force, pushing me to advance despite challenges. This was especially true during college, where retreating was not an option; graduating marked a new low point that I could not sink below. Initially, I perceived fear as a substitute for healthy self-motivation. However, I soon recognized that fear alone wouldn't elevate me to my desired heights. It acted as both a barrier behind me and an obstacle ahead. I frequently declined opportunities, afraid of judgment and my performance.

After graduation, as I distanced myself from that metaphorical wall and began to dismantle the obstacles in front of me, I noticed a growth in my self-motivation, albeit accompanied by a burgeoning ego. I started to believe in myself, which was empowering, but eventually, my motivation shifted to proving others wrong. I wanted to demonstrate to everyone who doubted my potential that they were mistaken.

For instance, there was a man who insisted my degree was worthless, suggesting I settle for a factory job. I longed to show him that I was not destined to follow that path. Similarly, I wanted to challenge the “friends” who believed I would never achieve anything significant after college. Although I typically avoid comparisons, observing my accomplishments in contrast to my peers fueled my desire to prove them wrong.

Even an ex-girlfriend, who dismissed my aspirations due to some missteps, now finds it amusing that I am leading the charge. Throughout my journey, I encountered resistance at every turn, which caused me to lose some humility as I began to dismantle the barriers that others had said would hold me back. Despite these motivations, I struggled to break through.

Eventually, I discovered my true "why." I had been living in a fantasy, believing that my desire to improve stemmed from a need to vindicate myself to others. In truth, it was always about me. It was my ambition that drove me to seek my first law book at age 11, and my aspiration to become a criminologist at age 14. I aimed to transcend the circumstances into which I was born, refusing to credit the inevitable challenges or naysayers for my achievements.

I have spent years trying to breach this wall, attempting various strategies. Initially, I harnessed the momentum from my fear of failure, which worked for a while, but it was insufficient. I even tried to use the doubters as battering rams against the wall, yet they lacked the necessary weight. Ultimately, it was only through my own willpower that I found myself on the other side, affirming to myself that it was indeed me all along.

The first video titled "What Does 'It's Not You... It's Me' Mean?" explores the nuances behind this commonly used phrase, providing insights into personal accountability and relationship dynamics.

Chapter 2: The Power of Self-Realization

In the second video, "The 'It's Not You, It's Me' Excuse," we delve into the reasons why people often use this phrase, examining its implications and how it relates to self-perception and growth.