Chapter 1: Reminiscing Our Journey

Dear (Ex) Love,

As I began this letter, typing “Dear (Ex) Love,” I felt a lump forming in my throat and tears threatening to spill as I fought to focus on my screen. The memories of our nineteen years together washed over me like a wave.

Earlier today, during my lunch break, I received a message from you. For a long time, I hesitated to share my thoughts with you, but now it feels necessary. At this juncture, what is there to lose? I reflected on how strange it is that our communication is now limited to a co-parenting platform, especially with someone who shared such intimate moments with me for nearly two decades. The end of our relationship feels like an overwhelming tragedy.

On August 22, 2022, I got a letter from my lawyer stating that my marital status had been officially terminated. In that fleeting moment, it felt as if a part of me had died; all the person I was since June 18, 2005, seemed to vanish.

I’m only a few paragraphs into this letter, and I’m struggling to keep my tears from blurring my vision.

Recently, I watched some of your online gaming videos, and for a brief moment, I imagined everything was as it used to be: we were still together, a family, and life was as beautiful as it appeared. However, seeing your familiar face engaging with your fans felt surreal. You sounded like a distant echo of the man I once knew so intimately. My heart and mind are at odds; I yearn for the man I fell in love with, yet I recognize the truth.

Remember our first night together twenty years ago? You played “Lady” by Modjo and danced, making me think, “What a charming goofball; I should never let him slip away.” Speaking of music, I created an “Open Letter” playlist tonight to accompany my writing, realizing how extensive the collection of two decades' worth of songs would be on my Spotify.

This letter was so clear in my mind, but now my fingers feel heavy on the keyboard, unsure of where to take it next.

Let’s reset.

You know when I mentioned receiving your message during my lunch? I was at my new job as a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA), a position I’ve always longed for yet never believed I was worthy enough to pursue. Remember how excited I was about orientation four years ago, but my schedule clashed with your plans for that weekend? I ended up prioritizing you over my own aspirations — yet again.

Nonetheless, I want you to know that I finally took that step.

In the past few years, I’ve accomplished many things I once thought were beyond me, but my love for you has remained steadfast. Holding onto the profound love I have for the man who was once my everything — and reconciling that with the reality of our separation — creates a complicated emotional landscape. It’s a sorrowful contradiction to still love the man I married seventeen years ago while equally resenting the man I divorced.

I cherished loving you; I miss the way I used to love you. Yet, deep down, I know our time together is behind us, and I need to find a way to let go. However, the last twenty years of shared memories are not easily erased, nor do I wish to forget them. You are an indelible part of my life, and disregarding my past will not guide me toward my future.

Thank you for being part of my journey: for the laughter we shared that brought us to tears, and for the dedication you poured into our life together over the last two decades. Thank you for allowing me to love you wholly, as I realize that ending a two-decade-long relationship is far more complex than simply terminating a legal status.

So, I won’t forget.

Instead, I will love you eternally — and always remember the beautiful moments we shared.

With love always,

Your Grieving (Ex) Love

Chapter 2: Understanding Love and Loss

In this insightful video, love experts Stephan Speaks and Jay Shetty discuss the signs that indicate a man truly loves you. Their perspectives provide valuable insights into relationships and emotional connections.

Chapter 3: The Soundtrack of Our Memories

This official music video by Panic! At The Disco serves as a reminder of the complexities of love and heartbreak, encapsulating the emotions tied to our shared experiences.