Navigating the Complexities of Conditioning and Self-Retraining
Written on
Chapter 1: Understanding Conditioning's Influence
In a thought-provoking article titled "Your Brain Is Wired To Avoid Success" by Claudia Caraulan, I found myself contemplating some profound ideas. One particularly striking statement caught my attention:
> Until around the age of eight, we are primarily shaped by the direct messages from our parents or caregivers, absorbing their words and beliefs without question.
It’s a well-known fact that we tend to view our parents as infallible during our formative years. As we transition into adulthood, we carry with us the beliefs and perceptions instilled in us during childhood, often without any intention to reassess them.
This notion resonates deeply with many individuals. Personally, it felt like a punch to the gut. Having experienced abuse from a parent until I was ten years old, my early developmental years were filled with negativity and harm. I wholeheartedly accepted their words and actions as truths, which I later carried into my adult life.
Challenging these childhood beliefs on your own can feel nearly impossible. Furthermore, we are often conditioned not to seek assistance. Imagine how much better life could be if we recognized the patterns in our thinking and learned to quiet the angry inner child. It's a worthy goal, but not an easy one.
Conditioning, especially when it occurs during our younger years, can be incredibly challenging to overcome. We often fail to recognize it as conditioning because the information we receive at home serves as our baseline. Even when we notice differences in other environments, we may dismiss them as valid alternatives.
As I transitioned from adolescence to adulthood, I found myself navigating life in a fog, constantly hearing negative self-talk in my mind. Before engaging in therapy, I would have done anything to silence that internal voice. I lacked the necessary tools and was unaware of my need for help. On rare occasions, I would muster up some confidence, only for my brain to quickly undermine it, leaving me feeling as though I was the problem, a belief instilled by one of my early caregivers.
“To have our experiences flat-out denied or otherwise invalidated is called gaslighting. Our perceptions of reality are continually undermined, causing us to lose confidence in our intuition, our memory, or our powers of reasoning.”
— Sherrie Campbell (But It’s Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath)
Overcoming any form of abuse is a daunting task, but mental abuse can lead you to doubt every thought you have. It can feel as if your mind is gaslighting you, convincing you that it's protecting you by concealing the abuse while simultaneously whispering that you are at fault.
“It is not the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.”
— Aisha Mirza
No one wishes to navigate adulthood burdened by childhood issues. There were moments when I found myself reacting like a toddler, unable to stop the response, which only fueled my self-loathing. I struggled to articulate the triggers behind my reactions, leaving me unsure of my own intuition and decision-making.
Describing the journey of rewiring one's brain as difficult is akin to saying climbing Kilimanjaro is merely a bit steep. I anticipated that therapy would be straightforward, providing me with tools to facilitate a quick transformation. However, the reality was quite different. I stumbled more times than I succeeded, often feeling frustrated with myself for not mastering this process more quickly.
Each day that you choose to ignore the negative voice in your head or prioritize your well-being is a victory. The challenge lies in the fact that every fiber of your being will resist this change. Your conditioning will fight back fiercely, attempting to maintain the status quo. The internal struggle for self-identity can go unnoticed by others; I have become adept at masking my feelings, and I suspect you have too. The key is to involve positive influences in your life and allow them to support your healing journey.
Retraining your brain is a challenging path filled with obstacles and decisions at every turn. However, the brain's ability to adapt and learn anew is remarkable, albeit a lengthy process. You won't succeed every day, so it's vital to celebrate your achievements and forgive yourself on the tougher days. Eventually, you'll find that the wins begin to outnumber the losses.
Loving Him Was Just Too Hard
They had endured much, but some burdens proved to be insurmountable.
This poignant poem by Donna Rayne is worth reading. Additionally, there are many beautiful stories on a new platform called Open Envelope, which is still in its early stages but focused on fostering a sense of community. They also offer writing prompts!
Thank you for taking the time to read this article. If you enjoyed what you’ve encountered and would like to contribute to Mindful Mental Health, please check our submission guidelines and express your interest in the comments of that post!
Chapter 2: The Neuroscience Behind Fear and Trauma
An introductory exploration of classical conditioning and taste aversion, illustrating how our experiences shape our preferences and fears.
A discussion on erasing fears and traumas, grounded in contemporary neuroscience, offering insights into overcoming our mental barriers.