Chapter 1: The Weight of Anger

For much of my life, I have grappled with intense feelings of anger, often teetering on the edge of rage. I endured this state for years, feeling lost and unable to pinpoint the source of my frustration. It was a frustrating experience to be consumed by anger without understanding its roots or knowing how to address it.

Much of my early writing on Medium was driven by this unresolved anger, particularly directed at my adoptive parents regarding various childhood grievances. Through therapy and the act of writing, I have made significant strides in processing this anger.

This anger, however, was unproductive; it stemmed from situations beyond my control and only festered within me. The most troubling aspect was how my anger impacted those around me, often leading to irrational outbursts over trivial matters.

It’s natural to feel anger. For instance, I feel justified in my frustration with the UK government for their inefficiency and dishonesty in fulfilling their responsibilities. However, it’s inappropriate to channel that anger into everyday situations, using it as an excuse for deeper, unresolved rage.

Alcohol has also played a substantial role in my struggles with anger. I battled with alcohol consumption for much of my life, and, like many others, I only gained clarity on this issue once I achieved sobriety. The effects of alcohol disrupted my ability to manage my anger effectively. My wife noted that my anger peaked when I consumed large amounts of white wine, not due to its alcohol content but rather because it was the drink I consumed the fastest.

When intoxicated, I was far more prone to irrational anger. This realization helped me understand what people mean when they say alcohol lowers inhibitions; it doesn’t merely reduce your self-control but also provides a convenient excuse for bad behavior—“It wasn’t me; it was the alcohol.”

Over time, I grew increasingly frustrated with myself for continuing to drink. Some have accused me of downplaying the difficulty of quitting alcohol. If I’ve given that impression, it reflects poor writing rather than any lack of sincerity.

Chapter 2: The Path to Sobriety

In response to the criticism I received, the straightforward solution to being angry about your actions is to stop those behaviors. However, quitting drinking is not that simple, particularly if you’re grappling with addiction or, like me, functioning alcoholism. While you may inherently understand the harms of drinking, life can feel manageable enough that there seems to be no pressing reason to stop.

Often, with misplaced anger comes guilt. This realization became a turning point for me. Not only was I damaging my relationships through anger, but I was also burdened by guilt over the harm I inflicted upon myself. Ultimately, this guilt propelled me to fight for sobriety, and it was indeed a battle.

One of the therapeutic practices I developed was writing about alcohol. Recently, I find myself writing less about childhood trauma, as I am currently addressing that through therapy. Instead, much of my writing about alcohol stems from feelings of embarrassment and anger associated with my past behaviors. I often felt foolish for harming myself for so long without taking action.

Additionally, I have fostered a deep frustration with the alcohol industry, which has so deeply infiltrated society that drinking is often viewed as a normal, even positive behavior. I believe it is entirely valid to feel anger about this issue and to be frustrated that meaningful change may be a long and arduous journey.

Fast forward six months, and I find myself in an unusual position. More often, when I sit down to write and seek inspiration from my well of anger and frustration, I find it empty. This may be a normal part of my journey. I certainly do not wish to remain angry simply for the sake of writing about it.

Sober, I have gained a heightened self-awareness, allowing me to observe my feelings in real-time. I am transitioning from a place of rage to a more thoughtful, future-oriented perspective, and I find this shift enjoyable.

In my opinion, my writing has improved over the last six months. While you may have differing views, I appreciate you reading this far.

Regarding the question posed in the title, not everyone feels anger toward their past drinking habits. The time and opportunities lost due to my drinking are irrevocable. This narrative transcends drinking; it’s about finding inspiration. I had to tame the anger in my life and save myself through sobriety. My new adventure involves discovering sources of inspiration that are not fueled by anger.

I will continue to voice my concerns about the alcohol industry, which has harmed generations in pursuit of profit, but I am now more inclined to seek constructive solutions rather than merely expressing outrage.

I’ll keep you updated.

I often refer to my adoptive parents as "fake parents" in my writing. This term reflects my experience of being adopted under dubious circumstances, where their motives were questionable. They did not truly parent me but rather viewed me as an achievement—hence, the term "fake."

For more insights from my journey in sobriety, consider joining my list. I share my experiences related to alcohol and societal perspectives as a former alcoholic embracing a sober lifestyle. You can explore more of my stories and countless others by subscribing to Medium for just $5 a month, with the option to cancel anytime. Thank you for reading!

In the first video, "How to stop feeling emotional and unstable when you stop drinking alcohol," the creator discusses strategies for managing emotions during sobriety.

The second video, "How can I stop being an angry drunk? | SOBER FACTS | S2E10," offers insights into overcoming anger related to alcohol consumption.