Chapter 1: An Unexpected Message

In the aftermath of a long silence on New Year’s Eve, I received a text that changed everything. It read: “I care about you too. However, as time passes, I’m feeling less certain that we are suitable for a long-term relationship. It’s difficult to admit, but it’s the truth. Friends with benefits?”

I was taken aback. This man had pursued me tirelessly for months, only to suddenly withdraw. It was a nightmare scenario — the very reason I had always kept romantic interests at a distance. My fear of commitment had convinced me that if I never allowed anyone close, their departure wouldn’t matter.

Yet, following my therapist's guidance, I had opened up to Nick. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and hopeful, and it felt like a mistake.

In the past, I might have numbed the pain with distractions or reached out to someone else for comfort. But having recently begun trauma therapy, I decided to sit with the discomfort instead. I allowed it to swell within me, manifesting as a tightness in my chest, tears welling in my eyes, and a profound sense of loss in my stomach.

Though this sorrow lingered for weeks, I eventually returned to dating apps like Hinge. I began to acknowledge my baggage and openly share my insecurities, determined to show myself and others that my flaws didn’t render me unlovable. That’s when I met Seb.

From the moment he entered the coffee shop, I felt a magnetic pull toward him. He radiated warmth and charisma, making me feel as though I was the center of his universe.

Seb matched my vulnerability with his own. He spoke with an easy confidence and approached delicate topics without hesitation, choosing to navigate the discomfort with me instead of leaving me to face it alone, as Nick had.

After our initial date, we continued to see each other. Within two months, he was practically living at my place.

Then, out of the blue, Nick reached out.

After ghosting me for months, he wanted to “clear the air” and discuss our past. The former version of myself might have gone without informing Seb, justifying that I owed him nothing. After all, we weren’t officially together, and my past experiences had taught me that emotional distance was a protective measure.

But I was determined not to revert to that mindset.

That evening, I sat down with Seb and explained, “Someone I dated before you wants to meet up. I have no intention of rekindling anything, but I believe this meeting might provide me with some closure.”

Seb’s reaction was the most affirming thing a partner could say: “Thank you for being honest. If this is something you feel you need to do, I support you.”

Those few words conveyed his deep-seated security in himself and our relationship. He trusted me to make my own choices and recognized that his worth wasn’t contingent on my availability. His unspoken message was clear: “I don’t own you, and if we end up together, it should be because you genuinely choose me.”

I met Nick that weekend, but I felt no attraction. I couldn’t fathom how he had changed so much in six months, only to realize that he hadn’t. I had transformed.

Through therapy, I rediscovered my self-worth. A kind, secure man like Seb illuminated what I truly deserved. The illusions I had clung to shattered. I walked away without needing to provide excuses, expressing simply, “I don’t want to be here anymore,” and that was it — I never looked back at Nick.

Fast forward two years: Seb and I are still together.

He stayed over one night and never left, but the fear of commitment that once paralyzed me is now a distant memory.

The old version of me would have never believed it possible, yet now I find comfort in the dip of the mattress beside me, the sound of his laughter in the next room, and the unwavering support after tough therapy sessions.

I no longer feel constricted by his presence; he allows me to be my true self. He embraces my imperfections, making me realize that they are, in fact, what makes me lovable.

Despite other potential partners, we chose each other.

I’m currently working on publishing my memoir. For more details, visit www.mariacassano.com/numb.

Chapter 2: Insights from My Journey

This video explores the most profound compliments and affirmations shared in relationships, highlighting the importance of confidence and support in love.

In this video, discover the most impactful things people have said to one another that reflect their feelings and experiences in dating, emphasizing the need for genuine connection.